VanillaAfro.com

[Coach Keith]

On Sunday, July 22nd, The Full Moon/Pat's/Longshot Softball Team will hold open tryouts for all those hopeful of becoming the team's new starting 1st baseman. Although personal invitations have already been sent out to veterans Mike Denofa, Kevin Wolf, Steve Wolf, & Tom Gleason to compete for the open spot at 1st base, others are more than encouraged to come. This will truly be an "open" tryout & the best man will win the job. Incumbent Matt Smith has also been notified of the open tryout, but is not expected to attend due to the fact that his chances of winning the spot are so low & remote. Thank you very much for your time & consideration, and we look forward to seeing you out on the diamond next week.

Sincerely,

Coach Keith Patterson

P.S. Points will be deducted for those 1st base hopefuls that wear dark sunglasses on a completely cloudy & overcast day. Also, sideburns are not permitted past the earlobe for anyone trying out.

[BRIAN SANCHES]

Coach K,

Please after your 1st base competion we'd like to audition for back-up pitcher...We all have your pedigree of poor fielding,groove training 0-2 pitches,walking men while holding a 2 run last inning lead,pitching behind in the count on 95% of all batters...Given a chance we could definately learn the art of poorly made line-ups,base-running miscues and the all important double play back to the pitcher hitting required of team pitchers... Thanks hope to see you at tryouts..

Jose Mesa
Mitch Williams
Freddie Garcia
Jon Leiber
Adam Eaton

[Bad Smitty Claus]

Is it even necessary for me to respond to this string of comments.... I'll start my own new fuckin team!!! I am going to calm down now and hopefully "Smitty encouragement" or "Smitty champ" can make a post instead of "bad smitty claus" later on....

[Nat Patterson]

Smitty's New Team Starting Line-Up

DH - Smitty
1B - Dylan McKay
2B - Brenda Walsh
SS - Brandon Walsh
3B - Steve Sanders
LF - Mini Smitty (If he's able to steal his protege Braun from our team)
LCF - Kelly Taylor
RCF - Brenda Walsh
RF - David Silver
C - Donna Martin
P - Nat

P.S. Smitty's new team has 3 things in common with his old team. 1.) Both 1st basemen have fantastic hair/sideburns. 2.) The best looking player on both teams plays LCF. 3.) Both teams pitchers look like (and probably are) child molestors! Also, Smitty's so bad in the field that he doesn't even get to play 1st base on his new team! I'm feeling a Bad Smitty Claus post in all of our futures!

[BRAWNY]

Your damn right Im going with my employer Mr.Smith...Do you know how hard it is for the verticlally challenged to find a job? Sure traveling with the circus sounds fun but it really isn't...As a little person were forced to walk under the elephants to scrub their balls and being used to train the lions and tigers not to attack little kids is dangerous..Personally Ive been maimed several times !!! Mr.Smith took me in from the RESO carnival and gave me a job in the security field..I get to test baby crib sides,stair gates,and monitors...They set me on fire to make sure they're pajamas are flame retardent..While Mr.Smith will probably use me in Eddie Gadel midget stunts in softball like he uses me as his dummy in his ventriloquest act at the co. X-mas party... my loyalty remains with the man who saved me from a life of gay drawf porn movies for perverts like the RHAWNHURST FOOTBALL coaching staff..I love Mr.Smith

Mike Braun

[Wolf]

I have no response but.......... Johnie G........ that was by far your best & funniest post ever!

[BRAWNY]

WOLF;
Sure with your chiseled ,hollywood matinee idol like good looks, beatiful son/girlfriend it's easy to look down(literally) on those less fortunate than yourself..Well I expected more of you....Do you have any idea the pain that goes with being asked to sing the "LOLLIPOP KIDS" song everytime you go to a mall?How bout drunks using you in dwarf tossing games ?Do you know how I feel when trying to have a conversation with grown men Im talking into their zippers like their dick is a midgets microphone.....Sir it's no fun having people pat you on the head and say oh aint he cute..While I may wear sz.6x toddlers pants,a schmedium shirt and power ranger sneaks I still have the heart of a adult....Please consider this when I retrieve your bat as the PAT's/Longshot batboy...Mikey B.