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[Uncle Charlie]

10.) They Don't have Johnny G on the team to fire up the troops
9.) they all swing like they are in that one pitch tournament Full Moon was in
8.) Uncle Charlie picks corn and smokes tobacca better than he manages, yes tobacca
7.) instead of bad rap and failed 80's bands songs, the Phillies front office should mix in some disco, Shane Victorino looks like a cross between Brauny and John Leguizamo anyway. Just think how good Burrell would hit if I Love the Nightlife came on to pump him up before his at bats
6.) this isn't really funny but they just can't get clutch hits or clutch bullpen aces like Quinn coming in for keith in a 15 run blowout
5.) Jon Lieber is a fat ape
4.) Having a guy with more than 5 fingers doesn't make your bullpen better
3.) The Philly Phanatic gets everybody excited but he's soft just like this team
2.) Greg Dobbs contrary to popular belief is not DOBB
1.) Wes Helms sounds like a great 1950's baseball player but he's not from the 50's and he fields 3rd base worse than Yank after a long and drawn out smoke out with Johnny Mac