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[J. Wolf]

We all know that the Phillies have started 0-2. They have gotten fantastic starting pitching in both games, only to shit it away with invisible hitting, poor base-running decisions, & pathetic bullpen help. And the esteemed Daily News writer Sam Donnellon wrote an article today focusing on the Phillies recent history of non-existent clutch hitting. I happen to agree with his premise. However, he happens to include the dumbest, most illogical stats to prove his hypothesis. So since I am currently unemployed, I was able to find the time between my never-ending job search (lol) & my countless Aces or Kings losing pre-flop all-ins to 3’s or 7’s on Poker Stars to drop this little nugget of logic on the wise one, Mr. Donnellon!

-- BELOW is word for word the email that I sent to him --

Straight from your logic-filled article: “Here's what's also alarming: They were outscored in the ninth inning at home, 53-16. From the seventh inning on, they surrendered 36 more runs than they scored at Citizens Bank Park. On the road, the Phillies outscored their foes by 68 runs from the seventh inning on.”

I 100% agree with your premise that the Phillies have a recent history of futility in pressure hitting situations. But (and I am not a baseball genius or have I done any research on this subject), I may be able to explain your “alarming” statistics above with just a little effort from my very simple brain:

The Phillies were probably outscored 53-16 in the 9th inning at home last season because of the simple fact that they were AT HOME!!!! Simple baseball logic will tell you that the AWAY team will bat in the 9th inning EVERYTIME!! The HOME team, on the other hand, does NOT bat in the 9th when holding a lead!! My brilliant guess is that this is the OVERWHELMING reason for the lopsided totals in the 9th inning for the Phillies. Likewise, I think this explains the “seventh inning on” stats too because they also include the MANY, MANY MORE AT-BATS that the AWAY team gets as a result of the baseball rule that prohibits the HOME team from batting in the bottom of the 9th with a LEAD! I didn’t do a Google search or anything. This is just my somewhat logical mind at work!

[J. Wolf]

-- His exact response to my email:

"good point. but it's still alarming, i believe, when compared with their peers."


ALL RIGHTY THEN!!!! Good rebuttal, Sam! (Maybe you should have included a comparison "with their peers" in your article!) I'm not a journalist, but that seems to make sense to me!

[CK]

I really like Donnellon actually, but that is pretty pathetic. I wonder if a guy like him, who I'm sure is relatively smart, really misses something like that or is just trying to twist the stats a certain way. A few months back, I saw a piece on Sportscenter discussing various trends of Barry Bonds' homeruns. They went on to talk about how Bonds likes to "get right down to business" because he has more home runs in the first inning than in any other inning. I'm thinking "Of course he does, he batted in the first inning of every game of his career."

As far as the Phils go, normally I'm not a typical over-reacting Philly fan. Usually two games don't amount to much in a long and tedious 162-game seaon, but these first two losses are very disturbing for two reasons. First, I thought it was especially important to get out in front of it this year for once. Instead, they are out to yet another losing start. Second, and more importantly, they lost the games the same way they've always lost games: lack of clutch hitting and inability to slam the door shut. Same old Phillies, zero chance of winning the east, and very slight chance of getting the wild card.

[KP]

the problem as I see it is too big a staff!!!! Why use 11 pitchers when one great one can do the job..Ive throw upto 550 pitches in a single 7 inning 2 game double header...Dont waste money on pitchers,juggernauts are built around great veteran hitters and a young hungry group of leadable men....I know Ive built my own powerhouse on this philosphy sam..Please come to a Full Moon game and watch/report on Philly's truly great team...

KEITH"CY YOUNG"PATTERSON

[Trent Dilfer]

Mr. Patterson..... All you are is a glorified version of me!! With players similar to Ray Lewis (J.Wolf), veteran Rod Woodson (Johnny G.), & Jamal Lewis (Jim Cassidy.... like JCa$$, Jamal Lewis is much more effective at a lighter weight), all you had to do was show up!! You, like myself, made no real contribution to the championship effort! But, with about 15 more pounds, you may start to resemble a balding Tony Siragusa!

[KP]

Granted we are/were both bald be 28....You were a 1st rd. bust from Fresno St. Iwas an overachieving kicking tee retreiver at RYAN...You looked ugly in Ravens purple....Im drop dead gorgeous in MOON purple..You were run out of Tampa bay...I never run out my ground balls to the pitcher...You played with Ray Lewis...Iplay with D Sparks who looks like Jerry Lewis.....You pull your pudd...I play with Judd...

[Edgar Allen Poe]

The Ravens were much more lucky than the Moon Platoon! At least they won the championship despite their pathetic QB and were smart enough to replace the clown with Elvis Grbac. We also won the title, but we're still stuck with our little, fat, balding, retarded pitcher! Why can't Yank come back & be our Elvis Grbac? Instead of Grbac's famous namesake, I would just like to say once, "Keith has left the building (and softball forever!)

[Sam Donaldson]

is it just me or does everyone see my name or think of me when they see Sam Donnelon?

[SAM]

Who are either of you?I know Yosemite Sam,Sam the butcher,Sam "Bam" Cunningham,sam Bowie,sammie Davis Jr.,Samuel Adams,Sam Snead,Sam "MAYDAY"Malone,Sudden Sam McDowell,Sammy Sosa,Sammie Morris,Plat it again Sam, but who the hell are you's

[Ted Koppel]

Is it just me, or did my hair piece just jump off my scalp & walk away?