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10.) Johnny G has been practicing in several mexican league old-timers games, if you can hit Fernando's screwgy then you can surely hit Vagabond Jim's slider
9.) Quinny has added Fried Ice Cream to his ever growing assortment of off-season treats
8.) Cassidy's woobie now comes with 5 heat adjustments, hot, hotter, hottest, yank's wife, and yank's sister
7.) Keith has added a hot salami injection to his daily supplements of beers/cigs/oscar meyer weiners
6.) KWolf has been working for a strategic master for the past several months, we don't have to mention names here, we all know him as JC.
5.) When Denofa tells you he has to work 7 days a week doing accounting, he's really pumping iron and killing pip squeaks
4.) Although not present at any games, Lono is really a corporate softball spy, infiltrating the lives of every umpire. he will even stoop to as low as taking pictures of broken shopping bags at Pathmark.
3.) Smitty has lost so many bets in the off-season he is due to win at something
2.) Ever since the Full Moon got rid of Yahtze and smoking, no one is itching to go back there allowing for intense concentration during game 2
1.) Every other team is one year older and one year slower, though studies have proven that going to the Full Moon actually freezes your health in time.

[DEMARINI DESTROYER]

Dont worry my children dispite the bad back,onset of alzheimers,occassional inability to keep booze off moon's floor,and rampant erectile dysfunction the 10 reasons remain simple----Both my hands are functioning like I was still in my thirties so MERLIN THE MAGICIAN will once again be conducting hitting clinics thru-out the N.E. so come again witness the magic