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GENERAL PATTON · Guest

Imagine my surprise when as I sat sippin suds with some war buddies in walks a young man and lady...I sat to chat with the trobled lad to hear his tale of woe...He said he had a shot liver...I said hey sonny dont you mean you were shot in the liver?He calmly replied no sir Im a drunken bastard!!!!I said jr. war is hell...to which he said pops my only battle is catching a flyball to rcf...The poor boy while falling off his chair in his drunken slurred voice screamed GENERAL MILLS you make a great cereal....
SEMPER FI LITTLE DRUNKEN BASTARD

GENERAL MILLS · Guest

Who is this drunkard you speak of, Patton? I think I am know him, but I want to ask you some question to ensure we are both talking about the same troubled boy! Was this lad wearing a necklace with some Lucky Charms © on it? How was this wounded soldier in stature? Was he a small seed or a Green Giant © ? Was he wide awake & full of life, or did he look like he didn’t eat his Wheaties © that morning? Could he sometimes be seen with the one they call the Pillsbury Dough Boy © Keith Patterson? Wasn’t Keith his Hamburger Helper © with an underage orgy ring involving 9-10 year old football players? Didn’t Keith, from time to time, show the kids his very small Betty Crocker © ?

My guess is that he had no right to be in your VFW bar. He was not a veteran of war, he was just simply playing Trix © on you! Sometimes these Rhawnhurst alcoholics can have a trick or two (Fruit) Roll(ed)-Up © their sleeve!

© Copyright 2006 General Mills, Inc. All Rights Reserved

Count Chocola · Guest

I want to eat your cereal! HAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA MUUUUUHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Count Chocula · Guest

Sorry I spelled my name wrong...but I still want to your eat your cereal and turn the milk brown

CAPT.CRUNCH · Guest

Dear Concerned Citizen,
Sir I tried to get some info from said drunken bastard however it was difficult since during his fall he'd swallowed some small "PEEBLES"...The Boy said he was in town to visit his "UNCLE BEN" and "AUNT JEMIMA" up at their "LOG CABIN".. His slurred words came out a mile a minute but when I asked him to slow down he said "I always talk BISQUICK"...As the evening wore on I told the sot come in out of the snow you'll catch a cold out in those "FROSTED FLAKES" But the drunk got rammy fortunately I was able to thawrt off his punches and "KIXX".. I told him your lucky you didn't get "POPPED---TART!!!!So with that he went on his way and as a true englishman I said "CHEERIOS" old chap!!
Yours in friendship, WINSTON CHURCHILL

Quaker Oats · Guest

Captain (Cap’n for short) Horatio Crunch is a fun-loving sea captain loved by children around the world. He was born and raised on Crunch Island, which is located in the Milk Sea. He wears a sleek blue captain's uniform, and an obscenely large blue captain's hat. His ship is the S.S. Guppy, which he sails with his loyal first mate, Seadog. Their mission is to keep the cargo hold of cereal from falling into the wrong hands.

Crunch’s arch-nemesis for the last 40 years has been none other than Jean LaFoote, otherwise known as the "Barefoot Pirate." LaFoote was notorious for his diabolical attempts to steal Cap'n Crunch's cargo of cereal. More recently, LaFoote has changed his focus of attacks from the actual cargo of cereal, to the Captain's beloved cereal recipe. These horrific battles between the two hated rivals continue today!

Crunch has also faced the never-ending attacks of the evil "Soggies" who attempted to "sog out" the taste of his cereal. However, we all know this is wasted effort by the Soggies because after 3 seconds of contact with milk, the cereal becomes instantly soggy anyway!

Recently, it has been reported, that one Count Chocula was heard speading lies about the Cap’n’s cerael. The Count claimed that Crunch’s cereal cuts the roof of your mouth. Needless to say, Cap’n Crunch was not too thrilled with this slander. No one knows for sure what happened, but the Count was not been seen or heard from since!

The constant barrages faced by the noble Cap’n Crunch are never-ending! Yet, Crunch never backs down from a foe and fights everyday to keep the favorite breakfast of kids fresh & enjoyable across the globe. He has been a very loyal & hard working Captain since 1963. For Christ’s sake, doesn’t Crunch deserve a promotion in rank? That is why I am writing this post today. Join me in this valient fight. I recommend Cap’n Crunch for the position of Admiral in the Crunch Island’s Navy! This promotion is long overdue!