VanillaAfro.com

[Mr. Wonderful J.W.]

5.) DeNofa, Juddy, Glea, & Keith - This fantastic foursome has more forehead than Tyra Banks! Its like their hair is fearfully running away from their faces (especially in Keith's case!) Also, Yank is a former member of this Sunday morning Hair Club for Softball Men.
4.) Fat Jack - His military style flattop is definitely the only thing "flat" about him!
3.) Smitty - With the amount/volume of product that Smitty uses, his hair could have survived Katrina without a single strand out of place!
2.) John Greenwald - If you combined Marv Albert's rug, with Zack Morris' Clairol bleach dye, and Don King's blow dryer, its no wonder Mr. Greewald was voted, "One of the 50 Sexiest Men of the First-Half Century!" That would be the 1st half of the 20th Century, not the 21st! Throw in a very well maintained, thin porno mustashe; and its also no wonder how John can consistenly pick up any chick he pleases at the Bingo Hall!
1.) Quinny - For Christ's sake, he has a Website named after his beautiful Vanilla curls!

[Flowing Locks]

hathead, my dear folicly challenged amigo. i sir am more than a combination of hair colors...perhaps one day farther into our mentoring i will show you pictures of my hair winning titles in little league'pony league american legion ,europe, through out the 70s 80s 90s and beyound young buzzed lightyear then my proudest ...the one i shalled with the neediest group of under achievers i ve ever had the thrill of carrying in my lonnnnnnggggg life ," the moon platoon.".. But i must give props where they are do Quinny has the best hair-fro for a teammate since i played with Oscar Gamble...Your Caring hair -cutter Vidal Sassoon

[Zack Wolf]

Were you busting on my hair? You've obviously have never seen me style my phenomenal locks! When I style my hair (which usually takes somewhere in the range of 45 minutes), I put Smitty to shame. I spent a good portion of my teen years in front of a mirror mimicing the hairstyling greats: Zack Morris, Brandon Walsh, & Vanilla Ice! I have incorporated little secrets from each of these visionaries and made them my own. But, I waited patiently for the final piece of my All Time Hair Styling Mount Rushmore. But, when I joined the Longshot Lounge Softball Team, I came in contact with the missing person: John Greenwald! What beautiful, flowing hair! Fantastic color & texture! So, now the Mount Rushmore of Hair reads like this (in order): Gossler, Greenwald, Priestly, & Van Winkle! ( I always put the blondes first on my list) So, for you young, aspiring teen heartthrobs: Study these Michelangelo of Mousse & Van Gogh of Gel. And someday, you may find your Kelly! (whether its Kapowski on “Saved By The Bell” or Taylor on “90210”)

[A.C. Slater]

Thomas Quinn, CEO of Vanilla Afro.com, obviously stole my perming secrets!

[Lionel Richie]

Your perming secrets? I was rockin' the jheri curl before you ever even got to Bayside! Besides, you didn't even have the best perm on the show. Dustin Diamond's jew fro was ridiculous!!!

[Principle Belding]

Dear Zack& AJ , Are you f---ing kiddin me? thinning and balding is were its at...Anyone can make an afro or full head of hair look good..all you need is a pick ,brush ,mousse ,gel (well Placed cum shot) and there you go the cast to the White Shadow or Welcome back Kotter !!!However it takes style to take your 20 remaining hairs and weave amasterpiece..Try going ear to ear stretching your 20 to resemble a full coiff...look at all that Mrs C. pussy Howard was tearing up on Happy Days...Myself Im going to go orange and Poofy like Carries dad on "king of Queens"....Blow dry on, John "Tony Manero"Travolta

[A.C. Slater]

A.J.? Do you mean AJ Benza? AJ Feeley? Its A.C., Mr. Belding, as in Albert Clifford Slater! I was only in high school for 9 years (seasons) for Christ's sake! I was also captain of the football & wrestling teams. And I dated that chick who rode the pole in "Showgirls", which I know is one of your personal favorites. Not to mention I just finished runner-up to Emmitt Smith on "Dancing with the Stars." You would think you would remember my name!

[JOHNNY]

AC, You and your friends are used to runner ups..fortunatly I ve come to take you and your bretheren to the lofty heights at the top of the mountain...So if you need dancing help as well as softball guidence please come to the lodge in the catskills and I"ll teach ya...And remember "Nobody puts Quinny in the Corner"...Caio.patrick JOHNNY"Swayze THE GREATEST ACTOR EVER!!!!! WHEN NAMING YOUR NEXT SON TRY GOING AFTER THE 2ND GREATEST ""COOLER "EVER DALTON SINCE I"VE ALREADY NAMED WADE GARRETT

[A.C. Slater]

I'm used to runner ups? Are you kidding me? I won 5 Los Angeles city wrestling championships in my weight class. Not to mention that our football team, led by me at QB, beat Valley each and every episode that we played them. We were even pretty good at hoops on that weird episode out of left field where Zack and I were basketball stars. And Screech captured atleast a couple State Chess championships. So, old-timer, please don't tell me anything about winning.... because I know it better than you!

P.S. On a serious note, although you and Glea helped our team tremendously and are two fantastic guys, NOTHING IS GOING TO STOP JOE WOLF FROM WINNING SOFTBALL CHAMPIONSHIPS! So your either with me or against me. But as long as I'm on the team, we're gonna win many more titles!

[The Real Belding]

Clearly, the previous Belding post was written by an imposter. As I so eloquently put it in one episode, "The last three letters of principal spell PAL." Perhaps it was my hip younger brother, Roger Belding.

Speaking of Bayside hoops, I was very proud of the Zack Morris' and A.C. Slater's team. We lacked size, with Zack probably being the tallest player. We lacked experience because all of our players didn't practice much basketball, and we lacked depth because we only went about 6 deep. Still, we overcame these obstacles, along with a devastating injury to Zack, to lose in the California state championship by the narrowest of margins.

[Little Lizzy]

My Pal Mr.B:
Hi sir sorry I haven"t written lately but i"ve been busy shooting the sequel to my oscar winning film tenatively titled"Showgirls 2 -The Quest for Quinny"..You certainly must be proud of our class I mean with M.P.Gosseler doing fine work on NYPD , T.A. Thiessen doing great work on 90210, that twinkletoed ex-wrestler M.Lopez competing so valiantly on Dancing with the Stars ,even dustin doing so well beating up Horshack and dabbling in porn!!!I dont know what "s up with that fine assed little brown sugar butt we"ll catchup at the reunion...xoxox Elizabeth B