VanillaAfro.com

[Fullmoon Manager]

Who was the bumb of the year on the 2005 Fullmoon/Cranage Financial championship softball team??????

1) Matt "Can't catch at 1st base" Smith
2) Jim "I just like throwing the ball around" Kennedy aka Judd
3) Johnny "I rather be smoking in my car then play" Mac
4) Mike "I can't run" Danofa
5) John "I don't keep my mouth shut" Greenwald
6) Mike "Thank god I have Joe Wolf behind me" Braun
7) Joe "I think I am god at everything" Wolf
Kevin "Do I need to say anything" Wolf
9) Jim "Can't play without my blanket" Cassidy
10) Tom "I can only hit to rightfield" Gleason
11) Brian "I keep good stats" Wolf
12) Tom "My hair slows me down" Quinn
13) Dennis "I think I can dance" Sparks
Last but not least
14) Keith "Fuck all you all because I made this team" Patterson

We can't forget 15) Yank!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Smitty Hits]

I can't believe here I am trying to turn over a new leaf for the new year and I read threads from Kevin Wolf trashing me and top ten lists that include outlandish remarks about my fielding (Which has greatly improved to where I think I am pretty good at first). Please I ask the great Joseph Wolf to set the record straight here in the new year. I want to come to spring training (which is being held in Greenland) with a clear mind ready to unleash nasty hits and sure gloved fielding!

Please Help Mr. Wolf

[cageyveteran]

dear #1 fan , 1st off genius it was 2006..perhaps when you awaken from your drunken stupor you"ll realize you"ve lost a year from your life!!While I concur smitty may not catch every ball,denofa is VERY slow,joe does think he is gods gift to softball(why) why on earth would YOU point these things out son? Shit boy if i was putting together a non-fielding/slow running player hall of fame you get in 100% sure lock 1stballot!!!!I know toteing that oprah winfrey sized ass of yours is difficult but keiths is as big or bigger than j lo"s and he manages to run out his 8 groundballs to the pitcher everyweek... So in closing jr. keep watching my instructional tapes and you MAY crack the line-up at some point next year....love,Mr. Softball
_________________
hall of famer living to make the dreams of young softballers come true

["The Great Joseph W]

First of all, I think the "Full Moon Manager" was out-thinking himself when he made the valiant effort to spell the word “bum.” He figured, incorrectly, that since he was called “dumb” his entire life for spelling the word as it sounds (dum), that this MUST make another word that rhymes with dumb (bum), also spelled with the very tricky, silent “b” at the end (bumb)! But, because this post was obviously written by either Kevin Wolf (Harvard Class of 2005) or Keith Patterson (Valedictorian of the Princeton Class of 1999); the mistake in spelling is not at all surprising!

Anyway, I like to let the team know that our Messiah is in good spirits and working hard in the off-season. I have much to prove this upcoming season. I want to prove that our championship was not a fluke, and simply just the beginning of many more titles to come. But, more importantly, I want to prove that I am still the fastest human being to ever don a Full Moon jersey. I should have walked out of the Full Moon after our Game 3, 8-run miraculous comeback to capture our 1st title in a fantastic mood. However, I walked out with a miserable taste in my mouth because of a bullshit loss in a race to one Mike Braun. Now, I think Mike is a cool guy and a very good softball player, with exceptional speed! But, lets set the record straight, since this has been eating me up for a while. I don’t drink as much as my brother Kev or Cass, but when I do drink I usually drink a good amount. On top of the fact that we had just won the championship, which caused me to drink even more than usual. While at the same time, Braun probably had 2 Miller Lites & a cranberry juice. Also, I was running without any sneakers on, while sober Mike had a nice pair of tightly tied sneaks to run in. Also Braun (being the dirtbag he is/ always looking for an extra advantage. LOL), kept walking and walking away from the Moon, making the race longer, and longer because he knew I had probably smoked 41 cigarettes that day. Not to mention we were racing on a combination or sidewalk and street, which for those who don’t understand, means we had 4 – 6 inch curbs right smack in the middle of our track! And when the race finally started, Braun jumped out to a big lead (it helps to have sneaks on for this purpose). However, after he had his lead, I ran step for step with him the rest of the race!

I digress. My point is I can’t wait until the spring so I can be given the FAIR rematch a gazelle of my stature deserves. The length of the race should be 40 yards, on a level track, with BOTH of us in some sort of footwear. Then we will have a real answer to who is the fastest man in Full Moon Softball History. (On a side note, I haven’t lifted consistently in about two years. But that has changed in the last month. I have worked very hard & will continue to do so until the softball season starts. I am also training my legs very hard (Combination of Leg Extensions, Leg Curls, Toe Raises, and 3 jogs per week), in order to regain every ounce of speed and strength in my legs so that I can blow Mike Braun off of the track!)

Finally, to my loyal teammate Matthew Smith (aka “Smitty Claus” aka “Bad Smitty Claus” aka “Smitty Two Times” aka “Smitty Hits” aka “Smitty Champ” etc., etc., etc.
You possess something that only a select few of our teammates have: The Ability to Hit for Power and Contact. What I mean by this is that at any moment, You could hit a bomb (notice “Full Moon Manager” that the “b” is silent!) in which you could crawl around the bases for a Homerun or hit a beautiful line-drive for a single or a double. Most of the guys on our team can MAYBE do one or the other! So, ignore all the hate and get ready for next season. Because I expect you to use your phenomenal hitting in the championship as a springboard into a wonderful & explosive 2007! Thank you very much, and as you would say Smitty: WOLFY OUT!

[Guest]

mr.wolfe; Joseph my young protege you already have a beautiful girlfriend why must you insist on flirting with smitty? Power? Are you referring to warning track power such as watching a majestic homerun(oops the fence got in the way) @ Fishtown! Granted at my age fighting Alzheimers and stuff but wasn"t that followed by a 0 for 8...If not for your Ichiro like cannon throw and my Johnny Bench like tag at homeplate his name would rank up with the greatest chokes since I gagged Linda Lovelace with the olde grey stallion...If you wish to prasise hitters and fielders start with my boy tommy glea who hits true power and average and took over for iron glove at 1st... It goes without saying glea and Johnny G 2 veterans of the softball wars turned you young dreamers into realizers... Long live Julio Franco my fellow 50 yr.old hitting magician...Love to all ,Hitting Guru...............

[Mr.Cooperstown]

mr.wolfe; Joseph my young protege you already have a beautiful girlfriend why must you insist on flirting with smitty? Power? Are you referring to warning track power such as watching a majestic homerun(oops the fence got in the way) @ Fishtown! Granted at my age fighting Alzheimers and stuff but wasn"t that followed by a 0 for 8...If not for your Ichiro like cannon throw and my Johnny Bench like tag at homeplate his name would rank up with the greatest chokes since I gagged Linda Lovelace with the olde grey stallion...If you wish to prasise hitters and fielders start with my boy tommy glea who hits true power and average and took over for iron glove at 1st... It goes without saying glea and Johnny G 2 veterans of the softball wars turned you young dreamers into realizers... Long live Julio Franco my fellow 50 yr.old hitting magician...Love to all ,Hitting Guru...............

[The Great Joseph W]

As a true leader of a championship caliber team, it is my responsibility to point out the positives in my teammates. And when dealing with a delicate ego like Smitty, I must constantly barrage him with uplifting compliments. I will try to do the same with you right now! First let me say, your hairdresser has done wonderful work with your plugs and coloring. Second, although all of your original teammates from your beloved Detroit Tigers of the 1900’s have since passed, you have accepted us in your heart with the same love and passion that you did 100 years earlier with Ty Cobb and the good ol’ boys. Actually, before signing a free agent contract with the Full Moon Saloners, your decrepit, loudmouth ass had this to say in the Rhawnhurst Edition of the Northeast Times about hitting in the modern game:

“John Greenwald was asked how he would hit under "modern" conditions. Greenwald answered, "Oh, I'd hit .310, .315." The interviewer was shocked. "But Mr. Greenwald," he protested, "you hit over .400 three times! Why would you only hit .300 now?" Deadpan, Greenwald replied, "Well, you have to remember. I'm 72 years old now."

Finally, let me compliment you on the way you have taken young Brian Wolf under your wing and showed him the ropes of big-time, playoff catching! Seeing you alone on the bench tutoring young Brian is similar to that of your childhood buddy Joe Paterno showing a new, young recruit the fundamentals of tackling. But, you are much more “hands on” than Joe Pa, more like a 71 year old priest showing a young, innocent alter boy how to take “the Eucharist” in his mouth. “Never bite it, just suck on it and swallow what remains!”

[Smitty Hates His Elders]

There is a soft spot in my heart for our elderly people, so this post causes me a great disdain...... Johnny G., I had no idea that you owned a computer nor that you actually figured out how to use it, and for that you are comended. However, these negative comments I see on this blog I can almost hear the words as they would pulsate from your old lips on a Sunday afternoon. You are a poor man's Chris Coste, with a dash of T.O.'s personality, and a look of a casket ridden post steroid Hulk Hogan with a more fucked up hairstyle. I say this to set the record straight for you not to use my name in vain. I appreciate the Golden Slipper (on the corner of Bustleton and Nafle if you want to visit John) allowing you to actually attend our softball games in time to return for bingo and crafts. I believe you live in a world somewhere between the characters portrayed by Russel Crowe in Beautiful Mind and Bruce Willis in Sixth Sense and do not want to point out your shortcomings, but I feel I must. It is an eye for an eye mentality on this site and that is unfortunate. I now need you to be the bigger man (Because you are ofcourse the older man) and just walk away from this and not insult myself or Mr. Wolf any longer. I know you are the inventor of water and have been around a long time but I am the inventor of Boundary Ball myself and I deserve some respect.

[Dennis Sparks]

BBBBBBBBBBB......Boundary Ball! What a fantastic invention by "Smitty Inventor!"

[Betty White"s Bitch]

Young whipper snapper, Kid you"ve never had pussy till you had the grey cat..........these ladies here at the slipper keep those clitty litter boxes clean!!!!what they cant reach us toothless gummers tougue with joy...as for the inventing of water, you sir mr.smitty should thank me for without it you couldnT clean out your cuts acquired when they are gashed in the fence while retrieving yet another missed/dropped throw... Adios,Ricardo Montabond