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Posted: Tue Feb 12, 2008 12:59 am Post subject: 2034 Bucks County Softball Champions |
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P - Asian Sensation "Lil" Wang Patterson (Maggie will have given up any hope of becoming impregnated by her husband, and simply adopt Tony the bartender’s nephew from Hong Kong.)
C - Jack Quinn (Within weeks of this post, Quinny will be notified through the proper authorities that he did indeed knock up the crazy, looney Jardel walker with his huge hammer at the Hub Motel.)
1B - Matty Smith Jr. (This young lad will obviously have a great head of hair and the Helen Keller-like fielding ability of his father. And of course, he will share the same name as his uber-egotistical father who will feel he will be giving his son an automatic bright future by blessing him with his first name. However, when Matty hits the ball & screams “See Ya” it will actually be a home run and not just a routine fly to left.)
2B - Juddy Chan ( Juddy will finally meet one of his many illegitimate children that reside in one of the many washy-washy houses that he has frequented over the years.)
SS - Wade Greenwald (After many, many years of hibernation, a 46-year old Wade will magically wake up one morning like Forrest Gump and realize he can run like a deer. He will also realize that he has the fielding/hitting ability of the man he was named after-Wade Boggs. And he will instantly become the team’s MVP. And thankfully, because with the amount of weed that Johnny Mac has already smoked, he would have never been able to provide a child to fill his position on the team.
3B - Mikey DeNofa Jr. (Just as slow on his feet as his father, Mikey will also possess his father’s tenacious fielding ability. However, he will also have a Ben Wallace-like fro that will make many wonder if Quinny may have had something to do with his DNA. Quinny will obviously deny any claim that he had indeed been intimate with Mrs. DeNofa.)
LF - “Mini” Mikey Braun Jr. (So short that he will make even his 4-11 father look like a giant, lil Mikey will still be a huge asset for the squad because of his world class speed. He will make infield hits look so routine. And in some games, he and Chase will play the outfield by themselves just because they can!
LCF - Chase Wolf (Besides the Greenwalds, Chase will be the team’s elder statesmen. The 28-year old Chase will have to be a vocal leader for his younger teammates. This is because Wade never really talks & Old man Greenwald will be such a slobbering, incoherent mess by this point that no one will even pay him any mind.)
RCF - Jimmy Cassidy Jr. (He will be the youngest player on the team because of the fact that he will be his father’s 8th child and won’t be born until 2016. After 7 girls, Jca$$ will finally produce a son & guarantee that the Cassidy name will live on.)
RF - Kevin Wolf Jr. (Deena & Kevin’s offspring will be the one to introduce most of the team to the wonderful life of alcoholism by the time they are winning t-ball championships together.)
DH - John Greenwald ( Entering his world -record 100th softball season, Johnny G will try to ignite the championship potential in these youngsters like he did for their fathers’ team almost 30 years before. Unable to run because he will be in a wheelchair by then, Johnny G will still bring his beautiful, natural softball swing and loud mouth to the ballpark every day!) |
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